A Single Santana:  What Rachel has to say
by relaxovision
Summary: Prompt: Rachel writes a letter to Santana, pointing out her gayness. Pezberry friendship.


For **lightgoingout** who asked: Pezberry (friendship) letter from Rachel to Santana on her observations of her sexuality.

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><p>Dear Santana,<p>

In case you haven't already disposed off this letter there are a few things I'd like to say to you.

First of all: I know you are gay.

I guess I got your attention now?

We've never been close. In fact, from our first encounter on, even before you were a Cheerio, you did everything you could to make my life a hell.

You called me so many things: a midget, a dwarf, a dork, a hobbit. You made fun off my clothes and addressed my Jewish descent more than once by commenting on the size of my nose (which, in my opinion, is a very poor attempt to offend me as I'm adopted, as you know).

I admit I haven't always been nice to you, either.

We've definitely had our differences, but I've come to realize that we also have something big in common. Something I almost didn't see through all this inadequate behavior, through all the insults and the slushies.

Christopher Isherwood wrote: "Do you think it makes people nasty to be loved? You know it doesn't. Then why should it make them nice to be loathed?"

I guess our insults to each other serve as defense mechanisms. I defend myself against your cruelty and you defend yourself against whatever you think might happen if you'd let your guards down.

I understand that you need to get as much distance between us as possible. You fight me so you don't have to fight yourself. I've been persecuted my whole life. Of course you don't want to be like me.

"When you're being persecuted you hate what's happening to you, you hate the people who are making it happen. You are in a world of hate. Why, you wouldn't recognize love if you met it. You'd suspect love. You'd think there'd be something behind it – some motive, some trick."

Just know that I don't hate you, Santana. And I apologize for making you feel like I do. Now that I know about you I understand your actions were just the result of your fear.

And before you start wondering: No one has told me. It's palpable, Santana. It may not be for everyone, but it is for me. It was actually your reaction to my remark after you sang "Landslide" that made me start to think. Why would you react so strongly to a random insult by the dwarf? I always thought I had nothing on you? I always thought you didn't even care about me.

Then I saw it. All the hidden glances, the secret touches. And seriously, overalls? My two gay dads told me everything about lesbians and with your clothing style lately you'd easily pass as a model for curve magazine.

Had I known how you feel about Brittany, I wouldn't have said the things I did. I would have supported you. It makes me extraordinarily sad to think that there is someone among us who doesn't dare to reveal herself to the rest of the group.

We are a team, Santana, a family. And I as the team captain consider it my duty to be there for each and every one of you. You are a valuable member and I appreciate your talent. It's also because of your voice and your stage presence that we might actually stand a chance at Nationals next year.

We are only strong, because we stick together. Each and everyone of us is special. We all have something the other ones don't. And as much as I am sometimes afraid of you, I also feel connected to you. We are all in this together. That's what makes us strong!

Did we abandon Kurt after he came out?

Did we get rid of Artie, because he can't dance with us?

Did we judge Quinn when she had nowhere to go?

What about Sam?

What about me? Even I am accepted here.

Glee is our safe haven and it can be yours. I promise I won't judge you on the basis of whom you're with. There is no hidden motive behind this letter. There is no trick behind my offer. You don't have to suspect us.

You are among friends here. And even if that means nothing to you now, maybe someday it will. Just know that we are your friends.

Rachel

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><p>Rachel,<p>

I know that book. It's pretty dope.

"Let us be understanding, shall we, and remember that, after all, there were the Greeks."

Of course everyone would be tolerant. You wear your open- mindedness like a freaking badge of honor and you tolerate each other, because among equals you suddenly feel superior. But I'm not going to be one of your projects. I'm not going to be taken under yours or Kurt's wing or something like that.

I don't want to be special. I want to be like everyone else.

Oh and if you tell anyone, I'm going to free the world of your existence.

S

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><p>Hey Rachel,<p>

Sorry about Santana's anger towards you. She's really scared and you do boss us around a lot, so please stop doing that.

I will make sure San doesn't end your existence. Just please don't tell anyone and let us handle this on our own.

But thank you for being a friend. I really do appreciate that. And say hi to your dads from me. Mom's still trying to figure out the recipe to that wicked cake… what was it called again? Ovo? It was delicious. I think Lord Tubbington gained like two pounds immediately, though.

B


End file.
